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12 Compelling Arguments to Never Give Another Blow Job

Escort Porto Portugal Mafalda Borges.High class Portuguese call girl.
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Because you can't have meaningful conversations with a penis in your mouth.

Oral sex is the best ... so long as you're the person on the receiving end of it. There is a reason the word "job" comes (LOL) after blow, and that's because going down on a dude is hard (again, LOL, sorry!) work. So why bother? I mean, why continue giving blow jobs when you know you'd rather be doing literally anything else? In case you need further convincing, here are 12 incredibly compelling arguments to never go down on another guy again.

1. Deep within your heart ... you know you can get oral without giving it. Whoever started the rumor that oral sex is an act of reciprocity was probably a dude, and he was definitely lying. If a dude won't go down on you, dump him. If a dude refuses to go down on you unless you return the favor, dump him. A truly great man will go down on you forever and never expect a thing. Find you that man.

2. You're so sleepy! Wow, what a yawn that was. He probably saw the yawn and thought, "Hmm I bet my penis would fit in there!" But you are just too tired for that right now, and in fact, you may be too tired for that forever.

3. In this day and age, refusing to go down on a dude is practically part of the #resistance. Look, women have it hard enough as it is. Feminist acts come in all shapes and sizes. What doesn't come in all shapes in sizes is your partner's dick, because you won't be going down on him.

4. You work so hard all day long doing your actual job. Why on earth would you want to come home and deal with this exhausting side hustle (his penis in your mouth) when you already work so hard at your actual job all day?

5. Men are already having way too many orgasms anyway. The orgasm gap is real, folks, and if you're a straight woman who's having sex with a straight dude, just know (and I'm sorry!) that you're having far fewer orgasms than your partner. Closing the orgasm gap starts with you, honey, and the way it starts is with a lack of blow jobs.

6. You can't have deep and meaningful conversations with a penis in your mouth! Sure, sexual intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship, but so is emotional intimacy, accomplished via heartfelt chats.

7. Darn! You would, but you just brushed your teeth and don't really want to put anything else in your mouth. If only he'd asked just three minutes earlier! Shucks!

8. It would be way more fun for both of you to just have penetrative sex. I've yet to see a compelling argument that proves a crude, bodily instrument such as the penis can tell the difference between the inside of a mouth and the inside of a vagina. Skip the blow job and go straight to sex — something you can both enjoy.

9. Honestly, has he really earned it? Do you know what was a great rewards system? The chore chart my family had, where I won stars to earn my allowance each week. How many stars are on your boyfriend's chore chart? Surely not enough for a blow job.

10. You're saving this for an extra special, TBD occasion. Blow jobs are kind of like an ~extra-fancy bottle of wine that you don't want to open until the perfect moment. When will that perfect moment be? Who's to say! But it's certainly not now (and TBH, it's probably not ever).

11. You don't want premature lip wrinkles. Not that there's any proof that sucking on a penis will cause your the skin around your mouth to wrinkle, but it seems believable enough, right?

12. Look, penises can be icky. All I'm saying is if the dude can't ever wash his sheets or comb his hair, odd are he's not doing routine hygiene maintenance on his nether regions.

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