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'This Is How Sex Changed For Me After I Stopped Drinking’

Escort Porto Portugal Mafalda Borges.High class Portuguese call girl.
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Chloe Persian Mills started drinking when she was 14.



I was raised in a sex-positive environment. My mother always told me anything I wanted to know, but she also explicitly told me, "Your business is your business, but I actually don't want to see you kissing your boyfriend."

I was on birth control by the time I was 15, and started drinking "for real" around the time I was 14. So drinking and having sex were happening at the same time, and as I got older and became more of a drinker, my behavior became riskier, too.

Alcohol, when it was working well, was not just an aphrodisiac, but a way to make me feel a little more confident in my sexuality.

And, when you're drinking, you're not making great choices, so I had some less than ideal lovers in a pretty big way. I had a very extensive education, and my friends never understood my choice in men, like musicians, guys on motorcycles. At one time, I was completely wrapped up in this guy who was a poet. And, um, he was also a drug dealer. It was a mess. I was raised to be confident and accepting, but alcohol really lowered my standards.



There was a period in college where I drank, but I wasn't having a lot of negative consequences. The men I fell in with were decent enough people. I didn't really "date" much then. As a drunk, I just sort of hooked up. If I had been on like four actual dates before I met my soon-to-be-ex husband in my thirties, I'd be surprised.

"It's harder to be at ease with dating."  

I'm coming up on 13 years of sobriety now. After frequent black outs and binge drinking became too much, I chose to become a sober woman.

Early in my sobriety, I always planned to wait longer to have sex with the guys I was seeing, but never succeeded. I usually didn't wait more than couple of dates before sleeping with them. And after we slept together, I judged myself big time. It's harder to be at ease with dating when you're not drinking. (Here are 8 things you need to know about dating after divorce.)

Now that I don't drink, who I'm attracted to hasn't changed, but now I'll end a bad date sooner (or avoid it altogether) because I'm not just drinking until it's fun or planning to sleep with the guy. Last spring, I ended a date after just a bit of heavy petting because I knew I didn't have a future with that guy. I felt proud after that because I used to be a girl who couldn't say no. I knew I wanted more than a booty call in my life.



DAVID BENNETT

"The sex you can have while sober is just better."

When you have sex without drinking, you feel more. It also raises the stakes in terms of vulnerability. The surprising thing was that it was just as hard to communicate sexually while sober as it was while I was drinking. When you're drunk, you're not really communicating at all. But now it just feels risky to communicate what you want clearly.

Though my orgasms are stronger now that I'm sober, the people who I'm attracted to are still usually emotionally unavailable. But now that I realize that that's the kind of person I'm into, I don't act on my urge to pursue a relationship with them.

In recovery you reflect and gain more self-knowledge and acceptance. That brings you to a better position for connecting sexually and emotionally. (Enhance the pleasures of intimacy with NATURALOVE Organic Personal Lubricant from the Women's Health Boutique.)

And, as a sober person, I am considerably less sexually aggressive. Yesterday I texted a man to ask him out, and I was so anxious when he didn't respond quickly. I vowed never to do it again right before he said yes. We'll see how that goes.

Sexuality matures and changes, but that maturity can look and feel pretty good, even more so when you're not deadening your feelings with alcohol.





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